8 days left

I would like to pat myself on the back. It has been 39 weeks as I have lived as a mother, wife, student, and a teacher, and I did pretty well. I should be proud of myself but now I am scared.

First of all, I am facing to new era of my life, and I know being a parent and its following responsibilities are quite overwhelmed.

Second of all, I am also so hesitating for what I should do for future. I've always wanted to be a MD and Medical missionary, however, now what? I am a mother and wife, can't pursuit my own goal. I should be able to picture that I and my family can make it together. Time to sacrifice for family as a responsible grownup. Actually, more than that, I think I am scared to be faced to patient who really needs help. I am not ready. I mean, I am not mature enough to be a doctor who gives help unconditionally. Honestly, I am lack of everything to be a doctor. Oh well, okay. More honestly though, I am more interested in working in the lab. I did not realize that I am more like lab person.

Lastly but not least, I would like to study more............
But what about my family?? hmm

Yeah, I am so hesitating and confusing where I should add step forward.

戻れるかな？

こんな体に。。。

황당무계

金が圧待てないのが私の背たって。。doesn't even make sense.
Then just wait until I cook. If you are tired, then you must understand others get tired too.
Only because of the fact that you are making money you think you are all that. You think you are the only one that sacrifies for family?!! huh, hell no!! I sacrificed my future, I turned off what I've dreamt ever since I was 3. What about my life and all the interests? Why should I give up everything? Why only me? You don't have right to say that. Your attitute as a Fathter and husband is wrong. You said, I am always fingerpointing. Hell no. look at you. You acts like you are always right. This isn't related to how mature you are or how many years you have been in the real world. This is about what your human quality is. I don't shift my attitute whenever my feeling are changed. If you think you are that mature person, just shut up and think what would be happened next when you are being crabby to others.

ホタルの光,Hotaru no hikari, 호타루의 빛

I've been really lazy and being a sleepyhead. I think I am sleeping at least 10 hours a day except nap. Unlike other pregnant women, I barely eat. Because, in my imagination, ever since I was little, pregnant woman eat like gigant gorillar or pig, I assumed and humbbly embraced that I would be same. I feel hunger much frequently than ever, so I eat ( technically having a meal) 4~6 times a day. However, I am not, (actually can't) having huge meal every time.

Literally, Eating, sleeping, watching movie or TV shows(Korea, Japanese, America, and etc.) is all about my life lately. I know I feel so imcompetence because I am not doing any fruitful thing now-a-days. I just feel like I am so worthless whenever I see super women like working mom and working pregnant women... But oh well, I am vulnerable I feel tired so easily.

Oaky, I will cut the shit. Even though I got over morning sickness, I freaked out myself sometime because I am so sensitive and being so nerdy. I know it's because of hormone changes.

And it goes out of my way to bring up a matter that human body is so amazing and God is even more wonderous and amazing. I remember from my MCB 120L Biochemistry Lab class, 3 years ago, how hormones are reacted and and gives huge changes in our body with such a small amount. (ah akkkkkkk, It was so helpful and imformative class but 6 hour all standing lab was horrible to remember. legs were alway sore and empty stomack makes me sick because my lab partner's empty stomack causes 똥내 from his mous. kekeke...)

Anyhow, I finished hotaru no hikari last week. I usually watch Japanese TV show after checking the rating few weeks after they started broad cast. I remember rating of 'hotaru no hikari' was pretty good. I don't remember why I didn't watch this. I was somewhat old one. Anyhow.....

As I was seeing her in the drama, I really thought that's just like me except all the messes around her room and everwhere elses she goes. And even before I was married, I barely went out and was so lazy to hang out with friend. Didn't like to put makeup on, didn't want to dress up especially during the winter. hehe. And now, I am pregnant, I am more getting closer to her. She frequently says, "家が一番”, which means, 'Staying home is the best.' And I was just suprised that's exactly what I am saying all the time.

I don't wanna be "乾物女”but I am yearning such a peaceful life. でも、私もジャージーがすきだも。

Best friend reunion, Little Italy in SF

Best fettuchini I've ever had.

I love you Bond

Bond wearing louis scarp

I'm too damn busy

Ever Since I was back from Korea, I've been too damn busy and still fighting against jet-leg. I've got so many work to do; houseshores, tutoring, teaching, studying, taking care of bills, some paper works for school, looking for used car for my sister, grocery shopping, grooming my shih-zhu, cooking for my hubby, telephoning with friends and paprents that I am back from Korea, "oh, how are you guys doing?", blah, blah (more likely inevitable socializing stuffs)..................etc...............etc.

What I really want to do right now is go to shop estee lauder re-nutriv skin softer @ macy's and take those nice free gifts. Oh my gosh those are best free gift that I've seen ever.

Back to life; getting bigger and bigger

I eat much less than when I used to eat in Korea. But I am getting heavier and I don't know why.

Watching my weight and enlarged belly everyday is misarable.

Oh maybe the rummer that American foods products are generically modified and manupulate so that it makes people feel hungry and eat more food is ture.

I am a living evidence. xD

Believe it or not, I am still starving, even though I just had dinner.